Will Work For Shoes

I was ready to quit.

Seriously.

After a year of challenges, setbacks, discouragements and wasted moments, I was ready to hang it all up.

As I told a friend of mine recently, “I know that ‘failure’ precipitates success; but how do you know when it’s ‘failure’ or if it’s a sign?”

I’m a big believer in signs.

I’d told some of my friends. I was sure I’d made the right decision. And yet, I wasn’t really sure. I kept pondering and looking for answers, but there were none there. It’s like I was in limbo. And I’m not a big fan of ‘limbo’. I like to know where I’m going!

So there I was for most of the summer, waffling.

Periodically, I would ‘check in’ with myself, looking for inspiration or conviction or answers or something to provide guidance. No answer. Nothing. More waffling. Waffle, waffle.

Get the picture? 😉

And then something happened.

Last week, some really phenomenal things occurred. First, I graduated with a group of outstanding Realtor(r) leaders in my Leadership Academy class. We had conversations, we learned, we shared. I benefitted greatly from the final lesson on leadership and their sage advice.

My friend Carolyn said it best: “When discouragements or negative things happen, each thing chips away at you like someone with an ice pick. It eats away at you a little bit at a time.”

Then, unexpectedly, I was honored with the Brady Stevens Award from the Missouri Association of Realtors, awarded each year to “the preceding year’s Outstanding Graduate, Realtor Institute(r)”.

The validation and acknowledgment of my hard work was wonderful! “Is this a sign?” I wondered. “Should I stay in this business? Which is the right path?” Still no answer.

SIGH.

And then, something else happened. I was sitting at the Board of Director’s Meeting on the last day with my friend Beverly, listening to one of the speakers. I had zoned out briefly, messing with my phone, when suddenly, Beverly nudged me.

“Are you listening to this? She’s talking about YOU!” (?!?!)

Well, the speaker wasn’t really talking about me personally. But what she said was something to the effect of “If you work really hard and you keep doing the right things, eventually your hard work WILL be rewarded.”

THERE’S MY SIGN! 🙂

So on the way home, I had about 3 hours to ponder. I felt like a new person. I realized that what I needed was to get my head in the right place and to get out of my own way. (You know, “Let Go and Let God.”)

See, when you’re in the sales business, judging your success by someone else’s is an easy habit to get into. It’s easy to forget to be authentic – to really be yourself. The problem with this is that then you aren’t being yourself; you’re dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum. And how is it possible to be successful when you aren’t living your definition of your own life?

The honest truth is that I don’t have a desire to burn up the MLS and have the most listings and make the most money. There’s always going to be someone who does that; and by the time I caught up, the game would have probably changed!

What I DO have is a passion to provide outstanding customer service to the clients I work with, in a way that’s ethical, morally correct and authentic; and I have an incredibly passionate desire to advance our industry.

And that, my friends, is my definition of success.

The Road To Success

Your definition of success is probably different, and it should be. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be yours. And while people may look at you and think you’re climbing the ladder straight up to success, those of us who are on the path know what it really looks like (see the picture at left.)

Is it any wonder it’s easy to get discombobulated on the journey?

And you know what? I think I might actually be taller with my head on straight. 😀

I love to travel; it always makes me feel more interesting. More alive. But that’s just me.

As human beings, it is part of our nature to like routine: doing the same things in the same manner and at the same time. Routine brings comfort.

But if we get too complacent, to do something new becomes painful. So we don’t. It’s easiest to keep doing the same things, and to stay comfortable. Slowly, without our noticing, our world begins to become smaller. And smaller.

This is Mile Marker 0, in downtown Key West. It’s the most photographed point in Key West. How they know this, I have no idea. But anyway…

Travel keeps me fresh, alert, and focused. When I’m home, it’s too easy to be too close to the forest to see the trees. When I’m away, I can access the “30,000 ft. View” of my life. I always learn something about myself, something I want to do differently, something that needs changing.

Sometimes they are big things. Sometimes they are small things. But I always come home with new ideas.

For instance, this trip, I decided that I should watch for the occasional piece of “signature” jewelry, rather than just pick up anything I find that I like.

I should pamper myself more often.This is the view from our balcony. It was worth it.

I should paint the underside of my deck light blue, as they are in the tropics. (That actually serves a purpose: they say that it discourages wasps from building nests because they think it’s the sky. I’ll let you know if that’s true.)

It’s time for a leather coat I have to be ‘retired’.

I need to simplify some parts of my life.

I need to slow down, and remember the little things really ARE the big things. (In other words, I need to live better.)

As favorite author Alexandra Stoddard says, “Do your creative work first. You’ll be happier when you’re doing your chores.” Yeah. What she said.

We had a wonderful weekend, filled with new adventures and new experiences, an amazing amount of conversation, and many shared favorite things. I love traveling with my husband, but the reality is that when you travel with girlfriends, the little-known secret is you actually have a better time, simply because you’re doing ALL the things that girls like to do!

(My biggest tip if you’re planning a weekend away is to spring for a room with a Balcony. Trust me on this.)

One of the smartest things we did was to have a wine and cheese tray waiting for us when we got there. After spending 7 hours traveling and “lunch” consisting of 3 teensy bags of peanuts, we were starving.

And one of those little bags only had 11 peanuts in it. Seriously! (I counted.)

We spent a lot of time, and consumed a lot of wine, on that balcony. It was some of the best parts of the trip!

Sometimes, something as simple as a fruit and cheese tray can be a sublime treat. We finished it off for breakfast the next day!

We rode the trolley around Key West, and learned lots of interesting historical factoids. We learned that “Key West is a party town with a fishing problem.” (Quote from one of our servers.) HA HA

We shopped on Duval Street, ate lots of good food, and saw some beautiful sunsets. (Sometimes you can see a green flash when the sun sets ‘into’ the ocean, so sunsets are a Very Big Deal in the Keys.)

We had a wonderful spa experience. I had a Milk and Honey Whole Body Treatment with a Vichy shower. It’s a long bar with 7…yes, 7…shower heads, and in between the showering you have a salt scrub, honey, then milk, then lotion treatment. Then their Jacuzzi. It was phenomenal. And I bonded with the aesthetician. She even ordered me a Mimosa, just because. 🙂 And told me how to do a Milk and Honey bath at home.

Nancy got stoned. (Snicker snicker). Just kidding. She enjoyed a hot stone massage, and the sauna.

We took a sunset cruise with a band. We powerwalked the entire length of Duval Street to the other end. We found all sorts of new restaurants that taking a day trip simply didn’t allow time to discover.

The highlight of it all was an outstanding dinner on Sunset Key. We took the ferry over to the Island, and our Concierge got us a prime table outside with a premium view. It was, without a doubt, an experience to remember.

The best part of it all was it wasn’t crowded. Apparently, September is the deadest month of the year. With school starting and this month being typically an active month for hurricanes, it wasn’t nearly as crowded as peak season, when we’re there in January. This is our hotel beach, taken from the catamaran ride we were on.

It was awesome.

I love the Keys. Each of them have their own beauty and atmosphere, and I can’t wait to go back. 🙂

Me and Ekko

First, I must tell you that this picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I still have the dog (and isn’t she cute?) and she weighs more than 30 pounds. Especially if you try to pick her up. But I digress.

I’ve spoken with a number of people who enjoyed or were inspired by my last post, where I shared my fitness testimonial. I’m so glad! 🙂 Good luck! You can do it, you just have to keep showing up!

I don’t believe in failure. I believe that each time you try is one step closer to success.

I’ve studied about healthy living and a variety of diets most of my life. I was never good at ‘dieting’. I have some friends who are doing, through a variety of sources, meal replacement shakes. I wish great success to you, and I’m sorry, but those don’t work for me. I love food. Food is living for me.

I have this evil twin who is the equivalent of a bratty teenager sitting on my shoulder. The minute I say, “I’m going to eat 1300 calories a day” or “I’m going to drink 2 (or 3) shakes per day, (or any other thing where I might deprive myself of something), she throws a tantrum, says “You’re not the boss of ME!” and the next thing you know, I’m running for the donuts. Or French fries. (I’ve never met a potato I didn’t like.) Or some other junky, fatty high-calorie food.

Because I know this about myself, and I also happen to be a strategic planner by nature, I set up a serious of strategies to help me deal with a variety of situations in this new lifestyle (way of living) I wanted to lead.

1. Find an eating plan you can live with. Mine happened to be the Paleo Diet (diet meaning ‘way of eating); I have a friend who’s content and seen great success with Weight Watchers. The common factor for both of us is that neither of us felt deprived. Ever. I don’t feel like I’m dieting. I eat what I want. I work out. The weight comes off. Sure, it comes off slower, but that time would have passed anyway, wouldn’t it?

2. Learn correct portion sizes. I know they make charts and stuff which tell you what a correct portion size is. But thanks to my evil twin, when I read them, it all turns to gobbledy-gook in my head. I can’t comprehend it, and I’m a pretty smart gal. Watch someone eat who’s naturally thin and who’s been naturally thin all their lives. See how big their portions are during a normal meal on a normal day. I can guarantee you restaurant portions are NOT appropriate portion sizes. I can make three meals out of one order of shrimp fajitas! Too small a portion size (e.g. starving your self) is just as bad as not enough. Your portion size should be adequate for your gender and level of activity.

3. Stop eating when you’re no longer hungry. In another 15-20 minutes, you’ll probably be comfortably full.

4. If I want it, I eat it. I just don’t do it every day, and I always order the smallest portion. Oreo McFlurry? Sure! Give me the small, please. Hot ham and cheese with fries? The small in both, please. Nachos bel grande? Yes, please, I just had one last week! It only comes in one size, but in this case my spouse helped me eat part of it. And I continue with my normal way of eating at the next meal. I never think, “Well, I’ve blown it today, I may as well junk it up the rest of the day.” THAT is how you gain weight. Moderation in all things…

5. Always carry healthy snacks. I always have something to snack on in case I get too hungry. That’s when you’re the most tempted to eat something that’s not as healthy. Sometimes if I go a little too long, I’ll get a little too hungry. In that case, I’ll play a game with my evil twin: “Okay, let’s eat this (a healthier choice), and if you’re still hungry afterwards, I’ll eat what you want.” (Which is usually not healthy, but most of the time she isn’t hungry later.) 😉

6. Eat a balanced diet. Popcorn is suitable as a snack, but not as a meal replacement. Do you know what my dad fed beef cattle to fatten them up for market? CORN. At every meal, you should be eating a protein, vegetables, more vegetables, and a healthy fat. If you eat carbs, have a carb. You should eat 3 meals a day, and snacks only if you’re hungry. I graze at breakfast, have a mid-morning snack, a balanced lunch and dinner. If I’m hungry in the middle of the afternoon, I’ll have a small snack. The snack could be a slice of ham, some tuna, or a few cashews. Or pecans.

7. Prioritize. If I’m at a buffet, carry-in, or business meeting, I have two goals: to enjoy all my favorites, and not overeat. So I go for the good stuff. If you eat healthy stuff then go for your favorites, you’re either going to eat too much or feel deprived (or at least I would.) So forget the salad and canapés! I eat that stuff all the rest of the time. I go for the yummy stuff, filling my plate only ONCE, and then enjoy a piece of dessert. And I don’t feel one ounce of guilt. If I’m at the Cheesecake Factory, OF COURSE I’m having cheesecake! So I order a healthy appetizer for my meal (Thai Lettuce wraps, anyone?)

8. Exercise every day on vacation. I spent several weeks in Florida, ate and drank whatever I wanted. This is a lifestyle, mind you; I don’t deprive myself, therefore I continue with my lifestyle of mostly healthy eating and the occasional treat. I worked out every day unless it rained. And when I got home, I’d lost a pound and a half. And I ate out often. Like, every day. Seriously!

9. Stay away from trigger foods. ‘Trigger foods’ are foods that once you start, you can’t stop until they are gone. Thin Mints are my trigger food. I open a bag knowing I must consume the whole thing. I’m not content until the box is gone. So this year, my apologies to the Girl Scouts I didn’t buy from.

10. Keep It Simple. I’m a big fan of the KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Stupid!) I don’t count calories. I don’t measure, I don’t weigh, I just eat simple, whole foods without a lot of crap in them. Whatever you choose, keep it simple, easy to remember, and you can do it anywhere.

Now you know most of my secrets. If some of these work for you, great! And if they don’t, that’s fine too. Maybe they’ll inspire you to come up with some strategies of your own. Good luck! 🙂

Sunset Behind Daytona Speedway

Because I’m naturally an optimist and choose happiness most of the time, there’s a large contingent of people out there who think I never get mad. Or am crabby.

I hate to burst your bubble, but that isn’t so. Just ask my husband. 😉

My life has its ups and downs, just like anybody else. I have had days where I  longed to be on a beach with a nice cold drink that looks like a salad and forget about the huge albatross that’s hanging over my head.

Or why I wonder why I ever wanted dogs. Or a house bigger than 900 sq. ft. Or why I ever wanted to leave a job where I didn’t get a paycheck every two weeks.

I’ve been through things that I hope some of the rest of you NEVER have to go through; just as some of you have been through things that make you feel the same way.

I read a book years ago which told me that something good always came out of something bad. Sometimes you just have to look for it.

So I started making a game out of it.

A week and a half ago, after I posted about going to the Leadership Retreat, I came down with a bad case of sinusitis. Like, my face felt like it was going to explode. (I’m sure you’ve been there.)

I missed the whole last weekend of the NEMO Fair and my favorite events. Dang.

I felt tired and draggy for a good part of the week. Dang. It’s hard to be creative when you’re crabby. (See? I told you I was crabby sometimes!)

Every day, I tried to identify something good that came out of it:

I spent lots of quality time at home with my girls, and didn’t have to have someone babysit.

I caught up on all my DVR’d episodes of The Pioneer Woman. (I love the Pioneer Woman.)

I made it most of the way through a large stack of magazines that had piled up during and after our trip to Florida.

I got to spend lots of time at home…and I LOVE being at home.

I’m neurotically organized, so for me…this was great stuff.

It was good that I was able to rest and recover, because I had a really busy week at work. (Which explains why I was a putz and didn’t post the rest of last week.)

I’m not saying that the good things outweigh the bad things. But what I am saying is that usually, there’s something good that happens that might not have happened otherwise.

Sometimes it’s a life lesson that you’ve learned; a relationship rebuilt; a missed event that might have been a blessing in disguise; a loved one who’s suffered terribly may finally be at peace; or a rest that your body needed your schedule wouldn’t allow otherwise.

The old saying “When a door closes, a window opens” really IS true. You just have to look for it.

So try it next time…you might find it changes your outlook just a little.

And what does this picture have to do with anything? We clearly missed watching a beautiful sunset…but look at those colors behind beautiful Daytona. How often does a good opportunity to get a picture like that come along! 🙂

Veeve and I Both Got the Pink Memo!

I’m a putz, I know. I haven’t blogged in over a week. Tomorrow, I’ll blog about being a putz. But today, my mind is on other things. 🙂

So last night was a very inspiring night.

Nate and Veeve of FKS Fitness hosted a Watch Party for a client who was featured on “Extreme Makeover”. If anyone truly deserved success, it was Chantell. She’s lost 159 pounds and literally discovered a whole new person along the way.

After the show, we Skyped with her and had a chance to offer our congratulations. It was obvious she is truly a beautiful person inside and out.

During one of the commercial breaks, Veeve asked me to share my testimony with the group, which on the heels of the show, inspired today’s post.

I teared up last night when I talked about how different I am today. There were some things I expected to achieve: losing weight, finding muscle, feeling better. Having more stamina. Less muscle pain. More energy. Sleeping better.

What I really never expected was how the confidence in myself that I built through my journey to fitness would bleed into other areas of my life.

In December of 2011, several months before my 50th birthday, I began to think about where I was at physically and where I wanted to be.  I wasn’t happy with myself,  and I worried about remaining healthy as I aged. My philosophy was that I could either spend money on a personal trainer and enjoy the benefits of looking and feeling fabulous, or I could wait and spend money on medical treatments.

I pictured how I would feel lying in a hospital bed waiting for a cath or heart surgery. Hmmm. This sounded, by far, like the lesser of two evils. I knew, at this time in my life, I had a choice.

That choice led me to FKS, where Veeve tailored a program for my goals and needs.  I kept telling myself that the first two weeks of training would be the hardest. I just needed to keep showing up. In mid-January, I departed for Florida, carrying with me a list of workouts to do while I was gone, courtesy of my trainer. I worked out consistently in Florida, ate my normal diet, enjoyed cocktails, and was rewarded with a loss of 2 pounds when I got home 6 weeks later.

And I’m still doing it. I told Veeve I think she’s stuck with me. 😉

Since then, I’ve lost 30 pounds through a lifestyle change. I’m not done yet. I still have 20 to go. But I know now I can do it. It’s just a matter of time.

Veeve pushed me farther than I would have ever pushed myself. We do all kinds of activities, from lifting to walking to jumping to Pilates to stretching. Indoors, outdoors, every day I do something different.

I’m not going to kid you: it was hard. Some days it still is.  There have been days I know if Veeve wasn’t there waiting on me, I wouldn’t have gotten up off the couch. Once in a while I still have those days.  I sweated a lot. (I still do!) I had sore muscles, but sore in a good way. (You see, exercising done properly shouldn’t cause pain). Well, except for feeling the muscle burn. HA

I learned how important, and what a difference breathing makes. I discovered “the zone” that I’ve only heard about (not that I get to spend much time there, mind you…we’re too busy mixin’ it up so I keep improving!)

Most of all, I discovered how much potential I really had inside me. I developed ‘body confidence’…because I realized my body was an incredible machine capable of great things.

I remember my “AHA” moment, just like yesterday. I was on a trip to Florida last November, out for my morning workout. In the beginning, to run 30 seconds made my lungs feel like they were going to explode. During a 30-minute interval training workout, I ran for 7 minutes straight. I couldn’t believe it. I felt powerful! And exhilarated. YES! This is living!

I believe God has an amazingly perfect system in place. Those who work hard and do the right things reap the most rewards.

I believed it before, but now I KNOW I can do anything I put my mind to. Suddenly, the rest of my life began to fall into place, just as it should be.

Fitness isn’t an all-or-nothing proposition; it’s a process. Any activity, done in proper form that gets your heart rate up is good for you. Even if your budget can’t afford working out consistently with a trainer, a basic package will help you learn what to do and how to do it…safely. I’ve learned how incredibly important form is, not only preventing injury but helping you target the correct muscle. The slightest shift in movement can make the biggest difference.

And I also learned that fitness is not something you do, check off your ‘to do’ list, and then you’re done with. Fitness, like life, is a journey.

It’s taught me patience. And persistence. And fearlessness. And an appreciation for my Powerful Self. 🙂

Class of 2013

Today’s regularly scheduled “Funny Friday” post has been postponed until tomorrow. I just got back from my Leadership Retreat, and my head is buzzing with other stuff. So come back tomorrow for regularly scheduled programming!

The last couple of days, the Missouri Association of Realtors’ Leadership Academy Class of 2013 spent “retreating” at the Stoney Creek Inn in Columbia. This was our 4th retreat, so we’ve gotten to know one another pretty well by now.

We’ve become a family.

As we’ve gotten to know and be more comfortable with one another, each retreat has been more enriching…and more profound.

The Leadership Academy teaches us not only how to be better at what we do, but to be better leaders in our communities, in our workplace, on our local boards, and at the state level if that’s what we choose to do. Each retreat is filled with incredibly dynamic speakers on a variety of subjects, group activities, team building exercises, and fun…all in interesting places around the state that I might not have visited in the first place.

These are all things that I expected to learn. I expected to have a blast. I expected to enjoy my classmates, and to enjoy the whole process.  I did not expect it to be life changing.

Here’s a few of the things I pondered on the way home today:

1. Leaders are made, not born. Some people may have natural leadership skills, but the best leaders are constantly learning and trying to become even better at what they do.

2. If you think you know all there is about leadership, you probably don’t.

3. Leadership is about listening: keeping your mind open, and hearing what others are saying. I assumed I would learn something from the people around me…I just didn’t realize how much. And from how many. And how meaningful it would be. I realized that if you always have to be right or to “win”, you’re missing an opportunity to learn from those around you.

4. When you have a group of people working together, what everyone has to say is important, and has merit. Everyone contributes to the whole. While the final product won’t have everything you wanted, it will have some of what you wanted. Because great leaders know that when we work toward compromise and helping others win – we all win.

5. And, sometimes the best course of action is to simply change course altogether.

6. Leadership has costs. Whether it’s financial, time away from your family, stress, fewer friendships, less social time…there are costs involved. “There is no such thing as a free lunch.” [Thanks to my dad for patiently paying for me to get through college on the 12-Year-Plan and only to remember 3 things…and that’s one of them.]

7. Everyone has something unique to bring to the table: a different style, personality, attitude, sense of humor, whatever. But that’s what makes you authentically you, and makes you effective. And genuine. And believable.

It’s an amazing process to take 12 diverse, opinionated people with various backgrounds, experiences, personalities, and ages and somehow transform them into a unified whole.

I like to think of it in terms of each of us being a piece of a pie: each slice has a slightly different appearance, and the filling components vary, but each is full of flavor and contributes equally to the whole.

So I’m just sayin’…if we were a pie, I think we’re a hot, wonderfully delicious, all-American – baseball and everything – Apple Pie. Only with nuts. 😀

I always feel more interesting after I travel.

I don’t know that I actually am more interesting afterwards. I just feel it. Maybe it’s the sights I saw. Maybe it’s the food or the cocktails. Or maybe it’s the fact that my family is on their best behavior when I get home. Jimmy even makes the bed.

This usually lasts for about three days. Then it’s like I never left. 😉

Have you ever noticed that when you get back from a trip, whether it’s vacation or business, there are always certain memories or impressions that stand apart from others?  While the whole trip was awesome and fun, parts of it fade from your memory eventually, but these “chosen moments” are the ones that stay with you forever.

I call these “Magic Moments”.

And these moments are usually things that seemed like no big deal at the time. It’s later you realize how special they were.

My favorite Magic Moments from my trip to Gulf Shores are in no particular order, except the first one is my favorite.

1. Peggy, Kathy and I sitting on our hotel room balcony the first couple of nights there, having cocktails and laughing so hard we nearly peed our pants.

Okay, I nearly peed my pants. I won’t speak for anyone else.

2. Eating marinated crab claws at LuLu’s. The visual eye candy of all the colors, the waterway, the food, the drinks. And where post-margarita shopping was a blast.

3. Eating lunch at The Gulf, an outdoor restaurant made from recycled shipping containers, furniture made from recycled lumber, looking out over the white sands of the beaches filled with loungers that make me drool. (I have a serious addiction to deck furniture. My husband will tell you.)

The lady in front of me asks the cashier, “What do you do when it rains?”

“We get wet.”

And post-mojito shopping in their retail space. (Hmmm. I sense a theme.)

4. Saturday afternoon at Bucky’s at the Grand Marriott in Point Clear. We sipped mojitos while watching a wedding, resisting the urge to stand up and object. The bride’s father carrying a large, over-sized margarita.

He probably needed it. It was a really big wedding complete with a small orchestra.

Watching all the guests arrive, the young women walking across the grass in impossibly high heels. “That looks like two raccoons wrestling!”

Note to self: always look at my backside in the mirror before going to a large public event.

5. Absorbing all the visual “eye candy” at the Grand Marriott: the flowers, Mobile Bay, the grounds, the super friendly staff, the quiet room at the Spa. The hug from the maid. Our really large room.

6. Driving through beautiful, charming Fairhope…the charming stores, friendly people, and delicious food. “SQUIRREL!!!” which then became “PELICAN!”

7. Sunday afternoon at Bucky’s. Having my first (and last) mint julep, more mojitos, and a growing crowd of friends and new friends around our table. It might have been rainy outside, but it was warm and fuzzy inside.

I still have the warm and fuzzies. 🙂